Family Matters

I did not grow up with having a father at home....and that has always made me so sad. When I was around other children who had moms and dads at home, I thought they were the luckiest people in the whole world. My dream, as I grew older, was of having my own children and creating a family of my own. They would grow up...have children, etc. I dreamed of huge gatherings at our home for the holidays. It would be our turn, Gary and mine, to be the matriarchs of the family. It has not turned out that way at all......but there are still blessings to be had.

I have a mom, sister and 2 brothers....but they all live their separate lives, minus me. This has been so hard for me to deal with. I love all of them so much and would love to receive that back from them. However, for whatever reason, that has not been the case. Only recently has it come to me that I have to trust that God knows best.....because I know that He loves me and He knows the pain this has caused me. So, little by little, I am doing my best to let go.....and just trust. Not easy....not at all. But trust I must!!!

We have a daughter that goes years without us seeing her. No calls, no letters....nothing. We never know where she is or if they are ok.....a parents...and grandparents, nightmare!! She has 2 sons that we know little more than their names. Another heart pain that becomes unbearable at times........but God knows......and I must trust!!

I have spent years begging the Lord to bring these loved ones back into my life. If anything, it only gets worse. I may never know the reason why this has to be...but I am becoming more settled about it as I realize that He has heard all those prayers, seen all the tears...but this is what my life is to be. I must accept what is. He sees so much farther down the road than I do...and I must trust!!!

Not long ago I went through several days of heart wrenching tears because I was hurting so much over my family situation. I had been telling God that if He would speak to me about it I would do my very best to hear....and to listen. One day the thought came to me so clearly ~"Your family is right next door". So plain.......so overwhelming!!!

I realized then that I have spent so many years crying for what I did not have that I had not truly learnt to appreciate the 10 wonderful family members that live right across the driveway from us. Our oldest daughter, Denise, her husband Lloyd, and their 8 children have been with us all these years, yet I felt like we had no family. Shame on me for being so blinded!!

I feel like I can now place my focus where it should have been a long time ago. It does not do any of us any good at all to weep for what we do not have....to let it so consume our thoughts that we can hardly breathe...at least that was how it felt for me. These 10 "family" members are the most awesome people who have such love for each other......and most importantly, for the Lord. What more could a parent/grandparent hope for!!!